you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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