Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
