you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
