we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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