i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
