I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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