Already got asked if we're dating
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
