You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
