just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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