Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
