I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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