Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She even gives head with a lisp.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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