My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
