giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
