this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
