So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
