Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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