Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm always down for nudity.
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