I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
