she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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