bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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