Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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