I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
