Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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