i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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