And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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