And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
