mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
