did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter