How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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