I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
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You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.