I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
