Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections