How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.