Texts From Last Night

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  (509): View more from Washington

  went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.

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  (509): went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down. http://tfl.nu/4560
  Replies (11) Good night (840) Bad night (3045)
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  (650): View more from California

  in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",

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  (650): in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL", http://tfl.nu/9mnv
  Replies (24) Good night (3028) Bad night (2411)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.

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  (215): i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are. http://tfl.nu/vh2p
  Replies (85) Good night (1243) Bad night (6569)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.

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  (402): Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake. http://tfl.nu/294d
  Replies (24) Good night (8504) Bad night (1138)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!

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  (203): Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!! http://tfl.nu/1t5b
  Replies (20) Good night (2276) Bad night (1426)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.

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  (757): The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind. http://tfl.nu/p83t
  Replies (5) Good night (1731) Bad night (940)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.

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  (781): Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad. http://tfl.nu/2wvl
  Replies (20) Good night (1774) Bad night (5236)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I would never do this in real life. It's only college.

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  (480): I would never do this in real life. It's only college. http://tfl.nu/l8vq
  Replies (4) Good night (2909) Bad night (1040)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off

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  (251): Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off http://tfl.nu/essr
  Replies (9) Good night (2506) Bad night (862)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no

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  (765): I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no http://tfl.nu/iykq
  Replies (11) Good night (1973) Bad night (578)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.

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  (479): I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home. http://tfl.nu/yjx8
  Replies (13) Good night (1724) Bad night (741)
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  (916): View more from California

  When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.

  (1-916): View more from California

  Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off

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  (916): When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong. (1-916): Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off http://tfl.nu/emwi
  Replies (3) Good night (1440) Bad night (630)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.

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  (716): I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming. http://tfl.nu/r1ch
  Replies (6) Good night (1619) Bad night (518)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.

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  (708): I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer. http://tfl.nu/vs89
  Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (408)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  I will be over with a bedpan and beer

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  (417): I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again (1-417): I will be over with a bedpan and beer http://tfl.nu/dsbf
  Replies (3) Good night (727) Bad night (347)

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