i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.