I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
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Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
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Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!