You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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