I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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