Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
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I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
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Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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