haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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