If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
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