At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Pooping to opera.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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