i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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