I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
