i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
