I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
