Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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