Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
