The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
