just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
