is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
