omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
