Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
