my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Everything about him screamed your future.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
