Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize