He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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