bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
True strength comes from lack of pants
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
