just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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