my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize