I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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