I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
