It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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