It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
