So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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