Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
