At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
pray to the hookup gods
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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