I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
