Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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