Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
