Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
