the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
